273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?

[Lemon]

[EYE OF ZA]

pre-listening estimated ETA to fleshlight joke: 1:30s

[Sherman Tank]

There's a lot of mouse clicking sounds in this one. I dunno if someone got a new mic or something but just thought I'd mention it.

TAGS: "consumerism as a religion", "your life is uniquely meaningless", "useless tiny detail fetish", "very popular websites".

[GirlKisser420]

thanks montrith

[krytton]

holy mop

[A Meat]

don't you worry lemon, I'll find the dental surgery enthusiast/fetish forum to prove to your that that one story is actually not as bad as dental surgery

edit: syzygy is a real astronomy term

[Caroline]

"Sorry to outshine you."

Feels ironic that I get such pure joy from such a frequently filthy podcast.

[Frank West]

don't you worry lemon, I'll find the dental surgery enthusiast/fetish forum to prove to your that that one story is actually not as bad as dental surgery

edit: syzygy is a real astronomy term

I thought the guy's name was syzygy at first and I think I even pronounce it in the background, but actually his username really was gysyzy or something out of order like that.

[A Meat]

don't you worry lemon, I'll find the dental surgery enthusiast/fetish forum to prove to your that that one story is actually not as bad as dental surgery

edit: syzygy is a real astronomy term

I thought the guy's name was syzygy at first and I think I even pronounce it in the background, but actually his username really was gysyzy or something out of order like that.

thanks for clearing that up, you're like an incredibly powerful flashlight in a porta-potty

[Macho Masc Sangy Savage]

I'm stopping right in the middle of the episode just to post this: The brightest flashlights owned by the dimmest bulbs

[xX_sp00ks_Xx]

You idiots, you make your kid wear the cement tube as weight training for when they grow up and have to wear kevlar vests daily! Have you seen the lumens on some of these flashlights? They can disintegrate your shit. The fact that they're just like guns was already established earlier in the episode.

Prep them before it's too late.

[KingKalamari]

So you know how in sitcoms they'll sometimes have that stock character whose thing is "Is cartoonishly boring"? Like they'll maybe be played by Ben Stein and they might do a B-plot where one of the wacky lead characters gets trapped in a long conversation with them that'll span the course of an entire episode? This is the sort of thing that conversation would be about. Just a never-ending drone about the specs of flashlights. How can anyone be THIS into flashlights?

[Achilles' Heelies]

So you know how in sitcoms they'll sometimes have that stock character whose thing is "Is cartoonishly boring"? Like they'll maybe be played by Ben Stein and they might do a B-plot where one of the wacky lead characters gets trapped in a long conversation with them that'll span the course of an entire episode? This is the sort of thing that conversation would be about. Just a never-ending drone about the specs of flashlights. How can anyone be THIS into flashlights?

Once you experience the thrill of searing the retinas of your foes, and then disintegrating them, then you too will understand the raw magnetism of flashlights.

[I Liked That Joke]

This episode is probably going to end up somewhere in my top ten. It reminded me why I fell in love with the F Plus in the first place: discovering insane people doing insane things. Yes, the fetish episodes are fun, but they aren't very surprising anymore. The weird pandering to very specific groups (otherkin cookbook, furry MTG) is great, but that's just deeper madness, not new madness. I had truly thought that there were no more worlds left to conquer.

The fact that somebody is so into flashlights (not even for sex, apparently!) that talking about them with his girlfriend ends in confused frustration and tears is so beautifully demented that I had to rewind the episode. Easily worth three years of research.

Thanks montrith.

[montrith]

FYI everyone really should read the "flashlight fans are good with women" thread because it is amazing.