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Topic: 61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It)  (Read 2031 times)

Muffinator

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61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It)
https://thefpl.us/episode/61

I just realised we didn't have a thread for this classic episode and uh, guys

today I met Uli's editor. There was a small print run of a Roy Orbison Wrapped in Clingfilm collection done through an indie house called Lawrence and Gibson, and the dude works there. I know Uli's real identity, and it was right under our noses all along.

Michael Kelly, an American who was living in Germany at the time and started writing stories on his website, which was intended to be a travel blog about the Art of Europe
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« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 02:24:59 am by Muffinator »

GirlKisser420

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61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It) #1
I've always been meaning to check out his other works.

Sherman Tank

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61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It) #2
I think about this episode every time I microwave a bowl of soup.

Spooks

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61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It) #3
I am at the store, buying pet food for my terrapin, Jetta. We are let in only two at a time, due to an unfortunate circumstance of global pandemic, to prevent overcrowding. Presently, me and the other man happen to browse in the same aisle. We are far away from cashiers or cameras. "Feels lonely, doesn't it?" he ventures a witty remark towards me, to make smalltalk and ease tensions. That voice! I make a habit not to stare at fellow shoppers but looking the man up and down now, all clad in black, it is impossible not to be! The man himself, Roy Orbison is shopping in the same store as I! "Oh, yes," I response hurriedly, "it is awful that this sickness is going around. I only hope I do not catch it." Roy smiles in agreement, but then a dry cough cuts across his face, shaking his trademark glasses, turning his expression sour. "Roy Orbison," I venture, "do not tell me you are sick with the pandemic virus!?" Roy turns over a sullen countenance, "I may just be. There are many people waiting outside the store... It would make a most immoral act to take my exit among them in a state such as what I find myself in!" Even though I cannot see past Roy Orbison's opaque, slick, lacquered shades, it is though he is shedding altruistic tears, completely unconcerned about his own, fragile health. I feel compelled to help, somehow. We browse the store to find some solution to this crisis. "The virus transmits through air, you know," remarks Roy, astutely, "if there were only some way to isolate me for just enough time to pass through the store doors without breathing on the customers..." An idea! I rush towards a well-known aisle. I shall wrap Roy Orbison from head to toe in toilet paper!! Unfortunately, there is no toilet paper left in this store. "So," exhales Roy weakly, with a cough. It all seems hopeless. But then, as Roy stands, hunched over in sadness, I see that behind him, he is all but framed, by racks and racks of clingfilm! "Roy!" I shout with joyous exuberance, "Roy, I shall wrap you up in clingfilm to prevent the spread of the virus!" Roy obliges out of a sense of duty to his fellow man. I work quickly and diligently. Before long, Roy Orbison is completely wrapped up in clingfilm!!! I parade him out of the store. The many gathered there quickly get what the situation is about and uproarious applause is had for my quick thinking and Roy's steadfastness in the face of sickness. As the ambulance men begin to load Roy into the Ambulance, they ask if I should like to join. I reply no, for I know they must of necessity unwrap him to treat him of his illness, and I cannot bear to see him unwrapped from clingfilm. Not anymore, in any case, than think of him losing his trademark voice due to the coughing! I pray and send him off with wishes of good health, as the Ambulance speeds off. If he returns healthy, I hope he remembers my favor and returns it in kind, perhaps with some concert tickets. After such stress, I return home to my Jetta... But- no! In this excitement I had completely forgotten to buy her pet food! "What a day to have!" I sigh plaintively to my Jetta, but she has little idea of the adventure and ordeal I've just gone through!
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« Last Edit: March 19, 2020, 05:49:25 pm by Spooks »

KingKalamari

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61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It) #4
I am at the store, buying pet food for my terrapin, Jetta. We are let in only two at a time, due to an unfortunate circumstance of global pandemic, to prevent overcrowding. Presently, me and the other man happen to browse in the same aisle. We are far away from cashiers or cameras. "Feels lonely, doesn't it?" he ventures a witty remark towards me, to make smalltalk and ease tensions. That voice! I make a habit not to stare at fellow shoppers but looking the man up and down now, all clad in black, it is impossible not to be! The man himself, Roy Orbison is shopping in the same store as I! "Oh, yes," I response hurriedly, "it is awful that this sickness is going around. I only hope I do not catch it." Roy smiles in agreement, but then a dry cough cuts across his face, shaking his trademark glasses, turning his expression sour. "Roy Orbison," I venture, "do not tell me you are sick with the pandemic virus!?" Roy turns over a sullen countenance, "I may just be. There are many people waiting outside the store... It would make a most immoral act to take my exit among them in a state such as what I find myself in!" Even though I cannot see past Roy Orbison's opaque, slick, lacquered shades, it is though he is shedding altruistic tears, completely unconcerned about his own, fragile health. I feel compelled to help, somehow. We browse the store to find some solution to this crisis. "The virus transmits through air, you know," remarks Roy, astutely, "if there were only some way to isolate me for just enough time to pass through the store doors without breathing on the customers..." An idea! I rush towards a well-known aisle. I shall wrap Roy Orbison from head to toe in toilet paper!! Unfortunately, there is no toilet paper left in this store. "So," exhales Roy weakly, with a cough. It all seems hopeless. But then, as Roy stands, hunched over in sadness, I see that behind him, he is all but framed, by racks and racks of clingfilm! "Roy!" I shout with joyous exuberance, "Roy, I shall wrap you up in clingfilm to prevent the spread of the virus!" Roy obliges out of a sense of duty to his fellow man. I work quickly and diligently. Before long, Roy Orbison is completely wrapped up in clingfilm!!! I parade him out of the store. The many gathered there quickly get what the situation is about and uproarious applause is had for my quick thinking and Roy's steadfastness in the face of sickness. As the ambulance men begin to load Roy into the Ambulance, they ask if I should like to join. I reply no, for I know they must of necessity unwrap him to treat him of his illness, and I cannot bear to see him unwrapped from clingfilm. Not anymore, in any case, than think of him losing his trademark voice due to the coughing! I pray and send him off with wishes of good health, as the Ambulance speeds off. If he returns healthy, I hope he remembers my favor and returns it in kind, perhaps with some concert tickets. After such stress, I return home to my Jetta... But- no! In this excitement I had completely forgotten to buy her pet food! "What a day to have!" I sigh plaintively to my Jetta, but she has little idea of the adventure and ordeal I've just gone through!
Spooks, March 19, 2020, 05:45:39 pm

While an excellent piece of fiction, it is betrayed as a counterfeit due to not specifying that the wrapping process begins at the feet and works upward, as well as the lack of a simile to describe the loveliness of Roy Orbison's completely wrapped form. While more than worthy of a bulb, I am afraid that this work falls just short of earning you a handsome carriage clock.
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TheCrawlingChaos

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61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It) #5
I love everyone in this thread.