Sitting at the tire place, doing the final maintenance on my car before selling it. Moving to another city this weekend and going to commit to using public transportation and relearning how to ride a bike.
Going without a car makes all sorts of financial and ecological sense, and the public transportation system looks pretty good. However, I still feel a sense of bittersweet goodbye to owning a car. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and after my brother moved out I had no friends close by. I remember one night after a shouting match with my dad I had shut myself in my room. I pulled up the screen on the window and jumped out. Sitting in the yard I looked around to see only woods; where could I possibly go? The only other properties close were my grandparents and my aunt and uncle. I'd end up back right where I was.
With a car, I was always free to leave when things got bad. I could go to a friend's, the library, college, anywhere. I think the willingness to sell my car speaks to all of the work I've done to repair and move on from the damage my dad has done, and that I'm strong enough to make this change happen.
One last thing, my favorite memory. I was working at a tiny gas station, and left for the night. Snow had just fallen, filling the road with fresh powder. The moon was full and so very blue, lighting up the fields and woods. I was driving a 91' Ford Explorer, and had shut off the headlights as I was just flying down the road, music blasting. It was so damn dumb, but I felt so free.